As the saying goes, a picture can convey in a glance what may take a thousand words to express. I have the privilege of volunteering at the finish line of the Top of Utah Marathon every year with a great group of friends. I was excitedly looking through the photos posted by my friends on facebook when I saw it.
And had to do a double take.
And found myself with those thousand words running through my head.
But unable to vocalize any of them.
Unless you count the ugly crying noises I found myself making as the realization of my current state slapped me across the face.
I don’t know how it is for others of you who fight the battle with obesity, but I’ve become very good at looking past the fat. I rarely look at anything other than my eyes in a mirror. I fight to focus on anything else and anything good or positive when I find myself drawn into the ugly reality. In my mind I am fat, but I don’t look like this. In reality….this is me. At least this is the physical me. Thanks heaven I can make the distinction. Even though I know that I am not my body, I often wonder how much of my God-given potential I am squandering by allowing the precious gift that is my body be in such a state of disrepair. And…on a lot of levels my body is a reflection of me. And I don’t like what this is saying about how I feel about myself.
I deserve better than I’m giving myself.
I want more than what I’m allowing myself to have.
This is the last time anyone will see me looking like this. I’ve thought that I’ve had an “Aha Moment” before. I hadn’t.
I have now.