I’ll take that picture for 1000 words, Alex.

As the saying goes, a picture can convey in a glance what may take a thousand words to express.  I have the privilege of volunteering at the finish line of the Top of Utah Marathon every year with a great group of friends.  I was excitedly looking through the photos posted by my friends on facebook when I saw it.

And had to do a double take.

And found myself with those thousand words running through my head.

But unable to vocalize any of them.

Unless you count the ugly crying noises I found myself making as the realization of my current state slapped me across the face.

I don’t know how it is for others of you who fight the battle with obesity, but I’ve become very good at looking past the fat.  I rarely look at anything other than my eyes in a mirror.  I fight to focus on anything else and anything good or positive when I find myself drawn into the ugly reality.  In my mind I am fat, but I don’t look like this.  In reality….this is me.  At least this is the physical me.  Thanks heaven I can make the distinction.  Even though I know that I am not my body, I often wonder how much of my God-given potential I am squandering by allowing the precious gift that is my body be in such a state of disrepair.  And…on a lot of levels my body is a reflection of me.  And I don’t like what this is saying about how I feel about myself.

I deserve better than I’m giving myself.

I want more than what I’m allowing myself to have.

This is the last time anyone will see me looking like this.  I’ve thought that I’ve had an “Aha Moment” before.  I hadn’t.

I have now.

fat t

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