An Emotional Roadblock

Confessions:  I haven’t been using my gym membership much lately.  I belong to an awesome fitness facility.  I’ve been a member here for a long time.  I love that it has group classes, a swimming pool, great trainers and staff, and fabulous programs.  I once lost a lot of weight using this facility.  88 pounds to be exact.  Yup.  I went from 335 (my all-time recorded high) to 247.  Unfortunately, as I have explained before, I gained that weight back.

Recently I was looking at my budget and decided that I just wasn’t using this gym facility enough to warrant my monthly payment.  So I sent in the cancellation letter.  I got a call from my friend who works there asking if I really wanted to give up my steep discounts (I do get a pretty good rate comparatively).  We chatted and I explained that I wasn’t sure what good the discount was if I never used the facility.  Then….he made an offer that got at my Achilles heel…perhaps some free training to help me get motivated again.  I love working with a trainer.  I couldn’t pass it up.

The appointed time came and I met with a bright and very skilled young lady.  We had an initial assessment and went through a mild work out.  It went well.  It was hard to face up to the fact that I am once again back at my all-time high.  When the week rolled around and it was time to meet her again, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I chalked it up to being too busy and too tired and too…. you get the picture.  The next week came and I had some work interference (although looking back I’m sure it was just avoidance) so I rescheduled for the next day.  Which I also cancelled.

What is wrong with me?  I though and thought and thought about my inability to make it to these appointments.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to work out–I still got a workout in.  It wasn’t that I didn’t like my trainer.  She is awesome.  It wasn’t that I don’t have the desire to go.  It finally occurred to me that I have an emotional association with that facility that is working against me.  Even though I love that place, I have somehow associated walking through those doors with being a failure.  That place that I once thrived and succeded and quite honestly was associated in my heart and my mind with my successes is now associated in my heart and mind with failure.  How do I get past that.  I really don’t want to give up my membership there or turn down four free personal training sessions.  How can I rework my emotional queues that are tied to that place?

I’m moving soon into a new complex that has a lovely gym.  I plan to use it.  I’ve purchased many home workout programs that I like and I plan to use those as well.  Do I really need to keep this membership?  Probably not.  But I don’t want to leave with a negative association planted in my soul.  Suggestions?


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