Here we are. 2014. A new year with all the hope that accompanies resolutions and goal setting. Thoughts of a future filled with health and happiness and prosperity. If I had written a post a few weeks ago they would have been filled with resolute declarations of my intent to create a new me out of thin air with the aid of a few tools and a massive amount of will power–a life transforming Macgyver if you will–certain that with a q-tip, a rubber band, and a protein shake I can add 3 hours to my day in which to exercise and drop pounds like they are feathers.
But here we are, three weeks into the new year with all of the struggles that plagued me at the end of the year fighting against the desires of my heart that want only to fulfill my God-given potential and make my life all that it ought to be.
Tonight is Tuesday and I found myself watching The Biggest Loser. It was the makeover episode–the most motivating episode in all of The Biggest Loser. It is so motivating to see the contestants. To hear them talk of the things that got them to their heaviest weight ever and then to see them break down with emotion flowing as they describe how they feel looking at their new selves. I love it. It makes me want to get up and run around the block.
Next up: My 600-pound life. Now there is a show that is choc full of negative motivators. In this particular episode the woman at the center of the show has so many excuses and is so anchored into her current destructive lifestyle that she has convinced herself that she is losing weight when she is gaining weight and that she is losing weight while eating lots of fried won tons. I don’t say that to disparage her. But, sadly, because I hear some of my own excuses when I listen to hers. The doctor just said that she is her biggest enemy and her husband is her second biggest enemy. I can certainly see that as being the case for me….I am my own worst enemy and my success can be affected by those who I choose to spend time with and whether or not they enable my destructive behaviors or support my goals. I feel so bad for this lady–it is hard for her to even stand. And, truth be told, I could be in that state so easily with just a few small shifts in my behaviors.
Fast forward to a week and a day later and I’m trying to finish this post with motivating words that have the power to nudge me forward, and I realize that words don’t have that power. Other people don’t have that power. My current, past, or feared future circumstances don’t have that power. While those things can stir my longing and pluck at my heart strings, only I have the power to give them the wings to fly. Am I ready to harness that power and move my life forward? I believe I am!
I wish I could say that every post that I write from now on will be on fire with motivation and passion for my new found fitness. I want to use my current less-than-optimal health and circumstance in a way that will motivate and inspire others. But….in all reality…..the coming months are likely to be all of that interspersed with lots of self-doubt and discouragement. I can’t promise anything except honesty and real desire to change my circumstances. I hope that you will join me as I work hard to get through the barriers that have kept me this side of 300 pounds for the past decade and a half. I need your support and I have a sneaking suspicion that if I do this with real intent and honesty you may come away from the experience better for having joined me.