Fight or Flight

How many of you watch Extreme Weight Loss?  I’m watching this weeks’ episode right now.  Every time I watch one of these workouts I wonder how I would fare if I was faced with that challenge.  There was a time in my life–several times actually–where I know that I would have totally killed that kind of a challenge.  I’m not so sure that I would do well with it now.  I feel so broken and so far from that person that I want to be.  I think if I had someone in my face and taunting me about not quitting I would probably lose it, become a giant tantrum-throwing potty mouth and leave.  I think I’ve lost that part of me that believes being anything different than I am right now is even possible.  And yet, even as I type that I can’t believe that is the truth.  There has to be something different for me.  I AM capable of being who I want to be.  I’m just at a loss right now for how to make that happen.

What do I do?

Where do I start?

How do I hold on to the small improvements I make in a way that really incorporates them into my life and move on to the next step?

I’m still watching Extreme Weight Loss and Chris just mentioned that tears weigh more than fat–that emotional baggage holds us back.  I wonder sometimes if there is something I need to work though emotionally that I haven’t dealt with.  I know I have issues in some areas, but I also don’t see how they may be keeping me stuck in my fat body.  I do think I need to give it some thought and consider getting some counseling or something.  Any suggestion on how to work through things without actually having to go to a counselor?  Or is that just the lame way around things?

I love that they have challenges to look forward to–milestone events.  This gal is doing a half-ironman triathlon.  I need to think about something I can work towards.

You know, I did sign up for the Top of Utah Half Marathon.  It’s like …. 5 1/2 weeks away.  Is there any way I could get myself ready to even walk it in that length of time?  I’m not sure.  Hmm…..

How would you fare in a fight-or-flight-type workout?

If you could pick a milestone event….what would it be?

 

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