There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
– Dr. Denis Waitley
Sometimes the sheer volume of things that I need to change in order to achieve the healthy life I dream of overwhelms me. I feel that anxiety creeping up from the base of my gut and all I want to do is eat something, anything, to push that panic back down where it belongs!
But I want change.
I need change.
And I know that I have two options….or maybe three. I can continue to stick my head in the sand and pretend that things aren’t of such a great magnitude. I can accept the conditions as they exist and remain right here in the gaping chasm of dis-ease. Or I can take responsibility for the changes that need to be made and find a way to do it that will allow me to get past the anxiety.
I’ve got a plan in place. I know. You are thinking…”That Teresa. She is always planning and never following through.” Well, this time is different. As I mentioned in my “It’s the Food!” page, I’ve been reading about, studying, and thinking about how to incorporate a plant-strong diet into my life. In that reading, I came across a book called The Pleasure Trap. I’ve read it. I’ve watched a lot of youtube videos with related content and I’ve prayed about what I need to do next. What has come out of that is something that I’ve known for a long time but haven’t wanted to admit. I have disordered eating. I have an eating disorder. I don’t think anyone gets to be my size without having some level of disordered eating. Saying I have a food addiction and I frequently binge eat makes me feel weak. I don’t like feeling weak.
I have a food addiction.
I frequently binge eat.
So….you are probably wondering what this has to do with my plan. Well, after fasting (along with my friends and family), praying, and a lot of soul searching, I’ve decided that this isn’t something that I can do on my own. I need some help. I’ve considered a lot of possible scenarios. I’ve decided that what I need is to spend some time at TrueNorth Health Center. I’m going to spend some time there before the end of the year. I will likely do some water-only fasting to give my body a break in order to heal and help me break the hold that sugar, oil, and salt have on me. It’s exciting. It’s scary. I cancelled a long-anticipated vacation in order to go. But a feel a lot of peace about my decision. I think taking a break away from my own environment and being in a position where I can rest and regroup will be very beneficial.
I’m not going right away, so in the meantime I need to make some positive progress. I need to do things that will make my stay there be less grueling.
Wish me luck!