Responsible for Change

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
– Dr. Denis Waitley

Sometimes the sheer volume of things that I need to change in order to achieve the healthy life I dream of overwhelms me.  I feel that anxiety creeping up from the base of my gut and all I want to do is eat something, anything, to push that panic back down where it belongs!

But I want change.

I need change.

And I know that I have two options….or maybe three.  I can continue to stick my head in the sand and pretend that things aren’t of such a great magnitude.  I can accept the conditions as they exist and remain right here in the gaping chasm of dis-ease.  Or I can take responsibility for the changes that need to be made and find a way to do it that  will allow me to get past the anxiety.

I’ve got a plan in place.  I know.  You are thinking…”That Teresa.  She is always planning and never following through.” Well, this time is different. As I mentioned in my “It’s the Food!” page, I’ve been reading about, studying, and thinking about how to incorporate a plant-strong diet into my life.  In that reading, I came across a book called The Pleasure Trap.  I’ve read it.  I’ve watched a lot of youtube videos with related content and I’ve prayed about what I need to do next.  What has come out of that is something that I’ve known for a long time but haven’t wanted to admit.  I have disordered eating.  I have an eating disorder.  I don’t think anyone gets to be my size without having some level of disordered eating.  Saying I have a food addiction and I frequently binge eat makes me feel weak.  I don’t like feeling weak.

I have a food addiction.

I frequently binge eat.

So….you are probably wondering what this has to do with my plan.  Well, after fasting (along with my friends and family), praying, and a lot of soul searching, I’ve decided that this isn’t something that I can do on my own.  I need some help.  I’ve considered a lot of possible scenarios.  I’ve decided that what I need is to spend some time at TrueNorth Health Center. I’m going to spend some time there before the end of the year.  I will likely do some water-only fasting to give my body a break in order to heal and help me break the hold that sugar, oil, and salt have on me.  It’s exciting.  It’s scary.  I cancelled a long-anticipated vacation in order to go.  But a feel a lot of peace about my decision.  I think taking a break away from my own environment and being in a position where I can rest and regroup will be very beneficial.

I’m not going right away, so in the meantime I need to make some positive progress.  I need to do things that will make my stay there be less grueling.

Wish me luck!

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