Why?

I’ve often wondered why it is that I struggle with my weight. That may seem like a strange thing for me to wonder about. My struggle with weight is not new. One would think that I have that all figured out. I obviously don’t or I wouldn’t still struggle with it.
I was watching The Biggest Loser a few weeks ago when I had a thought related to this that has had me thinking since. In the episode I’m referencing, all of the contestants were sitting around having a moment with Jen (whom I love, by the way—amazing trainer).

The following conversation ensued:

Colby: “…I’m a good person. I feel like I can contribute to the world, but why hasn’t that next step come? Now, all of sudden, I’m here on the biggest Loser and it makes you wonder if there’s bigger things to come.”

Jen: “I think we all get misty when you think about that, because what you are talking about is–what is my life’s purpose, where am I going–and perhaps the weight gain has come because you haven’t felt connected to what you are supposed to be doing with your life.”

AAAAAAHAAAAA! Did you hear those angels sing? I did. Maybe, the weight gain has come because you haven’t felt connected to what you are supposed to be doing with your life. Seriously! This statement hit me like a ton of bricks—but not in the “take my breath away” kind of realization, but the “Yes. That’s it, Teresa. She is talking to you.” It was like remembering something that I have always known (and that has been happening a lot for me lately in a lot of areas of my life).

What do I do with that information? How do I connect with my life’s purpose? How do I figure out what how to identify that? Determine how far away from it and in what areas I need adjusting in order to connect? I don’t think I’m completely disconnected with my life’s purpose, but I do think I’ve had a hard time accepting what that is, allowing myself to believe that it is possible, and embracing the possibility with everything that goes along with it. Mainly, how do I face my fears and sustain that belief in myself that will be required for me to really connect with my purpose?

I’ve been reading “Start With Why” by Simon Sinek. In the portion that I listened to today, he said, “People don’t buy your what, they buy your why.” In this case—the case of me having such a struggle losing weight—I believe I’m the “people” he is talking about in that statement as well as the “your.” I don’t buy my what anymore and I’m not at all connected with my why in a way that is meaningful. I think one of the reasons that I’ve been struggling—struggling with things that have worked in the past, struggling with keeping the weight off, struggling with my confidence—is because I haven’t really ever connected with my why. I’ve tried. I’ve heard over and over again how important the why is. Yet, every time I try to verbalize my why, it doesn’t feel sincere. Why is that? Is it because the why I verbalize isn’t authentic? Is it because the why I verbalize is something that I feel completely unworthy of having or embarrassed about wanting? Is it because I’m unwilling to be completely vulnerable, even with myself, and am I’m not verbalizing a complete and authentic why?

I’m contemplating all of these things and I’m committed to fleshing out my WHY in the very near future and being brave enough to share it publicly and own my issues.

Consider that to be a promise or a warning.

2 responses

  1. Looking forward to hearing/seeing/feeling you be real! We’ve never met in person, but I truly enjoy reading about your thoughts and struggles. Sending my love and strength. xoxo in Wyoming.

  2. Excited to hear the follow-up story!

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