I haven’t been posting regularly. I think I fell back into that comfortable hole where I’m constantly trying to fix what I think is broken–and fix all of it simultaneously–which, seriously? The thought alone is exhausting. That is not what I want this blog to be consumed with. Yes, there will be some fixing, of sorts.But I want it to be more about triumph and discovery and being open and optimistic about my future.
However, I’m tired of looking at my life and feeling like I’m broken. Like the only visible things are the flaws. Because, quite frankly, I am so much more than the things that I or society see as broken. I don’t want this space to be full of sadness, and remorse, and self-flagellation. Although….there will be some of that.
What I want for this space, and for my life, is to shed the things that are holding me back (aforementioned “flaws”) and to embrace the good, to push the boundaries I have set because of fear and feeling flawed, and live fully–enjoy the second half of my life in a way that I haven’t allowed myself to enjoy the past.
The other day, I was scrolling through facebook before bed and came across the following quote from Brene Brown (I love her work!). And my heart said YES! THIS! This is what my intent is.
”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.” ~ Brené Brown
Being vulnerable and shedding the armor that has “protected” me thus far will not be easy. Things may seem a bit dark here from time to time. It is my hope that I can do this and that I can do it with lightness and love and an optimistic spirit.