Becoming Whole

One of the things I’ve been working on with my coach, John Pierre, the past several weeks is to become more in touch with my feelings. When I text him, I am to include a statement that looks something like, “I am feeling strong.” or “I am feeling frustrated.” From there I either get a positive reinforcement or some questions to help me think through and possibly re-frame the feelings that aren’t very productive.

This has been a particularly good exercise for me as I am seeing that I have made it a habit not to connect with my feelings. Somewhere along the way, whether consciously or subconsciously, I’ve stepped back from really feeling my feelings in a lot of ways. Sometimes it is just easier to ignore my feelings or push them down (with food, with overtime, with excessive recreational activities, etc.).  I think there are a lot of us who deal with hurt, stress, trauma, etc,. by just learning not to feel the associated feelings. Detaching from the feeling seems like the safe and comfortable option in the moment but is so damaging to our health and well-being (physical, mental, and emotional) long-term. 

I have to admit that I struggle some days to articulate how I am feeling. My norm for so long has been to just numb my feelings or to cultivate a few familiar, mostly negative feelings and then sit around in them like they are an comfy old recliner. Other days I either can’t state my feelings concisely or I am unwilling to put them into words for fear….of what, exactly, I’m not sure. (And yet, as I read back through this, I am aware that I know what those fears are but I’m not quite ready to be open about that. It’s ok. I’m a work in progress.) 

Just the other day I stated, “I am feeling…..” and the first thing that came to my mind was something very foreign. A feeling that I haven’t had in a very long time. Initially I passed over it thinking that it I was just being silly. After some thought, I decided that I really was feeling that way, so I passed it along to my coach and I’m really glad that I did. Simply allowing myself to feel that feeling has made a noticeable change in my outlook. I felt a connection to and a lift in my vibration that felt authentic and natural…even though I haven’t allowed that to happen for a really long time.  

I came across this quote from Patricia Holland that spoke to me in relation to this writing. The context in which she shared it was very different, and yet I think it speaks beautifully to what I am witnessing in my own life as I am working to bring my body, mind, and spirit into balance.

While it is not the easiest thing I have ever done, I am noticing more progress in the past few weeks than I have in all of the time throughout my life where I focused solely on what I was eating and how much exercise I was getting  (all the while suppressing my feelings and letting negative self-talk run rampant). I’m starting to feel excited about my life again. I can see possibilities in my future that are amazing and I can’t wait to level-up each and every day.  

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